I wish I'd brought My Jacket
by harry's boxers
Summary: This was written for the Final Prophecy Fanfic contest 1.


_For contest number 1 at the Final Prophecy: How good are you about writing a romance/tragedy story? The prompt for this contest is this: write a story about three characters, with two falling in love with one of them. At least one character must die (you choose the method of death)._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, no one, or the rights to these people. This is just a bit of fun. No malice intended._

_A/N Part of this one shot was written ages ago, as a drabble, about two of my favourite boyband members. No names were mentioned and it was up to the readers to decide the pairing. The drabble bit is at the end (in italics) I've just built a story around it._

_I'd like to thank my beta Naycit Malfoy for all her dedication, support and advice. Especially with her workload. _

_Rating: M_

_Pairing D/H D/HR_

_Warnings: Angst, language, sexual situations, suicide, character death._

_Tissues at the ready folks. Enjoy and please review._

I Wish I'd Brought My Jacket

I hate writing things down. I would voice everything I want to tell you, but my voice would never hold out. I tried to be strong— really, I did— but it hurts so much. I just want to die. I want to never feel love again, especially when it's one- sided. I never want to be used again, and I certainly never, _ever_ want to live to take another breath.

It was never meant to be like this, you know? Not in a million years. First of all, I never imagined ever being in love, let alone in love with another _guy_. You see, I'm a guy, a nineteen-year-old lad with too much on my mind to think straight right now. And I'm bloody cold. I wish I'd brought my jacket. I bet you're wondering why I'm rambling, and what I'm rambling about… Well I suppose I'd better tell you. After all, someone needs to tell Draco (my ex.) Maybe after reading these thoughts you may decide to let him suffer. It would serve him right. But remember I did love him.

We started off as enemies, Draco and I. Always yelling at each other, mocking each other. It got on my nerves sometimes. Hermione, one of my best friends, had said it was probably pent up sexual frustration. I nearly choked on my chocolate frog when she said that. Shocked was an understatement.

"Yeah, right, 'Mione and I am Snape's long lost son," I said through a bout of hysterical laughter.

She just looked at me as though I had pink hair and was dancing naked in front of her. She never brought the subject up again until a year ago.

We'd just graduated from Hogwarts, and the two of us decided to buy a flat together in Muggle London, using my inheritance from my Gringotts vaults.

Hermione had been accepted into the Ministry of Magic as a Curse Breaker, and I had decided to go to a Muggle college to learn about Muggle Sciences and Technology. It was something I was interested in, and nothing was stopping me now, since I had defeated Voldemort at the end of our sixth year. Hermione suggested that we should advertise for a flat mate. It was a good idea, I guess; with her brains and my domestic experience it would work out okay. I didn't want just anybody sharing my inheritance with me. No, it had to be someone we both knew... But not who she had in mind.

"What about Malfoy?" she suddenly said.

"Huh?" No, she had to be kidding. "Tell me you're having some sort of mental breakdown, 'Mione. There is no way in _hell_ Malfoy is moving in with us."

She looked stricken. I hated it when we argued. She was the only best friend I had left.

"Why not, Harry? I mean, it makes perfect sense. He's studying here too, and, well… He's not the same person anymore. You know that. The war changed him, Harry."

"The fucking war changed us all; Hermione, but it sure as hell didn't make me insane. No, he's not moving in. End of subject." I continued, muttering under my breath until Hermione's next words stopped me dead in mid grumble.

"I think it's a great idea, Harry. You two get on pretty well now, and all that sexual frustration must be getting to you. I know you like him and… well… He… erm… he… _likes_ you back."

Nothing more was said. Nothing more needed to be said; her statement had said it all. I thought back to the war and how Draco had been that fateful day.

It wasn't a pretty sight, let me tell you. Bodies everywhere, mostly from the Dark Side, but we lost a few too. One Auror too many and, of course, my best mate, Ron.

It still brings a lump to my throat when I think about it; seeing his twisted mangled body at Voldemort's feet. That's when I flipped and killed the bastard. He took my friend, so I showed him no mercy as I raised my wand and screamed _Avada Kedavra _beforepulling out a knife I'd hidden in my robes and digging it into his serpent-like body, twisting and tearing, until I knew he was dead, for sure. "That was for Ron, you bastard. I hope you rot in Hell."

I watched everyone in silence. A lot of people were smiling. Their torment was over. They thanked me and offered their condolences over Ron, then left me to grieve for my fallen friend in peace. That was also the time when Draco became my friend.

He found me crying, placed his hand on my shoulder, and offered some kind, soothing words. Once I'd calmed down, he held out his hand and said, "Thank you for releasing me from being under Voldemort's shadow and from that excuse of a Father I had." Then he asked me if we could be friends.

Taking his offered hand, I shook it and nodded, kicking myself for being so naïve in my first year to turn down his friendship, and managed to come up with a small smile.

We walked in affable silence to the awaiting Aurors and gave our statements before being sent to St Mungo's to get checked out for injuries. All the while, Draco stayed by my side. He held me as I cried, and _Merlin_ it felt so good. He said Ron was a great friend and I should remember the good times we shared. There were lots of them, even the bad memories of the Triwizard Tournament when we fell out for a bit. But that didn't last long. Our friendship was too deep for that.

We became really close after that, Draco and I. Merlin, I'm shivering here... It's so damn cold. I came out without my jacket; I figured I wouldn't need it. Where I was going would be cold anyway, so I didn't bother. Grrr, now I wish I'd brought that bloody jacket.

Sorry about that. I just hope I can last to the end, to say goodbye. Better get on with the story then, huh?

So, as I said earlier, we needed an extra person to share the flat with us. It was way too big for two people. It had three fairly large bedrooms, so I figured an extra person would be able to help pay the bills. Draco moved in. It was great at first, and then things changed. Draco became distant, shutting himself in his room every night, claiming to be studying. I wasn't convinced, of course, so I decided to talk to him. That night changed my life completely. Jeez! I'm crying now, just at the memory of it.

I walked up the stairs slowly, trying to calm my breathing. I was so nervous. I didn't know why… Well, I did, but I wasn't going down that road. The road that leads to debauchery and unbidden desires. Yeah, I had a major crush on Draco. A crush that leaves you breathless and yearning every time he walks in the room. A crush that draws you into your deepest desires when dreaming in the night, only to wake up sweating and panting, with wet sheets tangled around your body. A crush that would lead to this very situation, because everyone I've ever loved has been taken away from me at some point during my shitty life. And this is why I have to do this. This is why I'm sitting here now, breaking what's left of my shattered heart and reminiscing about lost friends and a lost lover. I shouldn't be doing this, but I feel I have no other choice. I can't bear to be _there_ right now, watching _them _together. It makes my blood run cold. I'm so sorry Draco… so, _so_ sorry.

Okay, deep breaths, Harry. Right, where was I? Oh yeah, going to talk to Draco. I knocked on his door and heard him ask who it was.

"Um… It's Harry, can we talk, Dray?" I was the only one allowed to call him Dray. No one else. It made me feel kind of warm and cozy inside. He allowed me to enter his room and I closed the door quietly. I looked around for a few seconds, too scared to look at my crush in case I was blushing and gave him the wrong idea as to why I was there. I cleared my throat and decided to be as open as possible… I looked at him then wished I hadn't. He looked so beautiful. He was fully clothed, lying on his bed, hands behind his head and staring at me with those silvery orbs that were showing signs of desire, lust, and even curiosity. Then he spoke. His voice was so soft that I felt my knees begin to buckle. This wasn't the time to crumble. I tried to pull myself together, but his tune sent tingles racing down my spine. I hoped those tingles didn't go any further south, or I would look like a proper fruitcake.

"What do you want to talk about, Harry?" he asked, his voice as smooth as velvet. As usual, I became a blubbering mess and stuttered through my reply.

"I… um… well… I… are y-you okay, Dray? You've been… well… um… avoiding us lately and I… _we_ thought maybe you were sick or unhappy or something." I looked at the floor, the blush creeping up my cheeks and showing my discomfort. Damn my emotions. I hate being like this.

He moved from his bed and came to stand in front of me, lifting my chin gently, looked into my eyes and smiled… and then… he kissed me. Just like that. No warning… nothing. I was stunned but couldn't stop myself from kissing him back… And it was perfect, like we were meant to be together. When we broke apart, breathing deeply, he took my hand and guided me to his bed.

"Harry, if I've been acting like a prat, then I'm sorry. I didn't know how to talk to you about this, about how I feel for you. I… Imilovewityouharry."

I had to ask him to repeat the last bit; I was sure he said he was in love with me, but it sounded jumbled, so I wasn't sure.

"I said," he took a deep breath; "I am in love with you, Harry."

I didn't say anything. I just grinned and threw him very unceremoniously onto the bed and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Funny, though, since there will be no tomorrow for me. Bloody hell, I'm so cold. I wish I'd brought my stupid _jacket_.

We made love that night— pure, unadulterated love— and we made it every night after that until a few weeks ago. Things had begun to change again, and I was too wrapped up in my feelings to notice anything. Draco had become distant….again, and Hermione would blush whenever she caught his eye.

I remember coming home from college to find Hermione crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm so sorry, Harry. I never meant for any of this to happen. D-draco, h-he…"

I cut her off. It should have all fell into place there and then— the flushed cheeks, messy hair, and a state of undress— but I'm Harry "fucking" Potter, the Boy Who Failed to see the fucking obvious, even when it is staring him in the face and screaming at him. No, I'm stupid. Always have been. No wonder Voldemort had tried to kill me for years. He probably thought I'd be too thick to even lift my wand and mutter the Killing Curse.

I felt confused, wondering if Draco was okay. "Where is he, 'Mione? What happened?"

"I think you should speak to Draco," she said.

I looked at her face, trying to find some clue as to what was going on. I bolted for the stairs and burst into Draco's room, without knocking or caring if I did or not. Draco was lying on his bed face-down in his… boxers?

"What's going on, Draco? Hermione's crying! Did you guys have fallout?" How bloody clueless was I? It was as plain as the nose on my face that they'd been making out, but I couldn't see that.

Draco didn't look at me; he was crying into his pillow. I walked over to him and rubbed his back. "It can't be that bad, love, whatever it is. We'll sort it out, yeah?"

I thought I'd heard him wrong, but I didn't. What he said next filled me with so much hate for him and my so-called best friend that I didn't wait for an explanation or a chance to punch his face or slap Hermione really hard (not that I would hit a girl anyway, but that's not the point). I just ran out of the room, down the stairs, out the front door, and came here: to my sanctuary, where I can be alone and have no one to judge me… A place where my thoughts are mixed with the sound of the waves lapping at the shore. Where I can scream as loud as I want and allow the sea to carry my sobs to the wider oceans and beyond.

I can still hear his voice uttering those dreaded words, ringing in my ears. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's over… H-hermione and I are a couple, see? She's been in love with me since first year and… and well… I don't think I'm really gay… I was just experimenting."

He continued to cry as I ran from the room. I couldn't believe my best friend would betray me like that. 'Experimenting? Experimenting?' What the fuck did he think? That I was a fuckin' lab rat?

All this time — it had been going on for months, he said— and now?

Now I'm so lost, so lonely. How could I be so stupid to be sucked in like that? I feel disgusted. I can't take it anymore! Please apologise to Draco for me, if you see him. I guess I loved him, really. I still do, but he's happy now, and who am I to take away someone's happiness? That's what _he_ does, but not me. No, I'll just leave quietly and let them pick up the pieces from their betrayal.

I only wish Voldemort had killed me instead of Ron. I think the pain of lost love is in the same league as the pain you get from grief. I can't think straight anymore. I can hardly see. My glasses are gone; I threw them into the sea in a rage when I got here. Even if I did have them, I still wouldn't be able to see, from the tears streaming down my face and clouding my vision. And I'm so c-cold.

I wish the tide would hurry up and just come in. I have to wait for the water to rise, and then I'm stranded. I'm starting to get nervous now. Second thoughts? Maybe, I dunno. I'm probably just wondering how _He_ and his _Bitch_ will react. Ha! Maybe they'll be ecstatic at that piece of news. He may think I loved him so much that I died for him. In your dreams, fucker! I'm doing this to rid myself of the pain and humiliation, nothing else!

At last I can see the tide rising. My feet are nearly submerged in water. If I hurry up I can quickly make it to my car to leave this crap on the seat and return in time to walk straight into oblivion. I know I'm being stupid; I'm the saviour of the Wizarding World for Merlin's sake! Look at me, pathetic. I can't even save myself now. I have a great desire to see my mum and dad. Just have to hang on for a bit longer. At least I'll be with them again, forever this time. Fuck! When did it get so bloody cold? My thin t- shirt is no good in this biting wind. I can't stop shivering.

Did I tell you I'd left my jacket? See, that's how stupid I am. The middle of bloody winter and I leave the house in a thin t-shirt. Harry Stupid Potter, that's who I am, but not for much longer. I'll just be plain old Harry. I smile now, through the tears, just thinking of my mum and dad and seeing them again. And Ron! Jeez, how can I forget my best friend? He'll be furious when I tell him why I ended my sorry excuse for a life. I wish he was still here so we could plan our revenge on Lord and Lady Malfoy. Fuck, here I go again. I'm crying so much I don't know where my tears end and the sea begins. Talking of the sea, I'm knee deep now. I'll finish this off at the car and then make it back to be swallowed whole just in time.

Goodbye, cruel world. Remember the good times, remember your loved ones, but don't remember me. I am nobody. I don't matter to anyone. Not even to Draco.

I left him a note; he should have it by now. It didn't say much; just …well… you can see it for yourselves, just in case he doesn't get it.

_I'm sitting at our favourite place, watching the sea as the waves break furiously on the shore. I can feel the cold biting at my body, but I don't care. The tears sting my eyes as I remember the way things used to be between us. Whenever I forgot my jacket and I was cold, you'd give me yours then wrap your arms around me till I warmed up. I could smell your scent from the leather for hours afterwards, and I felt warm and happy inside. Now I'm so cold. I wish I'd brought my jacket. It seems I can't get to warm inside or out. I've been feeling cold and empty since we parted. Now my life seems nothing without you. I watch the waves as they come crashing closer, feel my tears as they fall faster, feel the pain as I remember how your lips felt pressed against mine… How your body moved when we made love, how you would look at me with those puppy dog eyes when you wanted a hug. I feel myself go under, the ocean washing away the sorrow and now I don't care that I never brought my jacket._

_I love you, Draco. Always yours,_

_Harry._


End file.
